I loved an hated everything about today. I had one of the best mornings ever. Sat in the Willbur Williams Prayer Chapel this mornign for two hours, wow. I feel like God was revealing a ton of who I was, and who He was, and how we need to interact. I have looked at my time with Him as something contrived, an effort. Early morning Bible study, late night prayer. God showed me that if it were my wife, I wouldn't wake up at 5 in the morning to spend time like that, I spend casual time daily and would reserve larger chunks of time monthly or weekly. I need to take better time with Him. Keith Drury spoke in chapel. It was great. I felt so at home at IWU. My time with Chris was great. I left Julie and Dan to have their alone time. I wonder what it will be like to have a girl feel about me the way my two best girl friends feel about their guys. It also sucked at the same time. I just feel so alone, so vulnerable, like a turtle without its shell. I just hate the place I'm in right now, but realize I am a fractured person that must become whole before I will be ready to join another whole. I know the right girl is out there for me but I also know that I'm not the right guy for her yet. I discovered, in my interactions at IWU, that I am everything every girl wants, but nothing that any girl wants. It kills me, but I must come to peace with this.

Shalom