All I have to say is that I miss Sashma Blaike. I have just been sitting in my bedroom lately. My best friend Jess got a concussion. I just have Brandon for a while now... Oh shucks ;) I am trying to get to Canada but am having a lot of difficulties. I lost my passport in Slovakia, and they think I'm a terrorist... It makes me sad, my passport is red flagged, I don't know what to do. I have to think of something. Over the summer I met a couple of the most amazing girls, I haven't really talked about them at all on my blog, but I miss them all like mad. I got the closest to Sasha, she's from Canadia, how sweet is that!? Then Julie, who I see every day. Then Joy, she was almost too nice at first, but the more I got to know her the more attached I got. I really miss them a lot. I ran into Sasha's boyfriend at Jumpin' Java (he beat me to her lol j/k). Calvin is his name, what a great guy!!! Anyways, I am about to go have a nervous breakdown, between Jess, and my bro.
Shalom

March 6th, 2006

It was just a really good day. I got up late, got some excersise in. Cleaned up my room, got into Grand Haven for work by the skin of my teeth. Got to work with Jacob. That was really fun.
Jess came into Jumpin' Java tonight. Brought in the third member of the "Fab Five," Christy. She was gorgeous, once again proving that beauty travels in packs.
Met this brother/sister writing combo. Great Christian kids. Her name was Ashley, stunning, and works right over at the salon by me. Who'de have known?
Closed Java, went to sleep.
Spiritual introspection: What can I do to bring a bit of heaven to earth?

March 5th, 2006

I'm lazy. After yesterday I decided to take a sabbath day, especially as it pertained to that fitness bike. My parents went off to New Life Church. It kills me but I did have a good talk with my dad about it. There will never be another pastor anywhere that is even close to Dennis, but this move is something that will serve to get Janaya back into the church. If it works, it will be a huge answer to prayer, and they will likely come back after Janaya graduates. She was profoundly hurt over the course of the last few years there, and seems to be genuinely interested in going here.

We are in the Godblog series at SLWC. It is really cool. Opening my eyes to how to have God's heart in prayer. I have been serving as Dennis' second hand man in a way on a Sunday morning here and there for 59West. Moving a ladder for him, giving him his water, for me its like being a bulls fan and towel boying for Michael Jordan. When it comes to knowing the Spirit of God, I almost feel like Dennis should have his own scribe. He just seems to make right decisions, and always speaks humbly. If you go to church there you'll understand. He has assembled a team that borders perfection. It truly is a dream team. Every person in every position is the best of the best, the crème de la crème of whatever. He sits poised not as a king, but almost as a father, or coach, sitting back and gently guiding, allowing the players, and children to receive all the credit. Leading after God's heart.

Went out to eat with Annie, CJ, B, and Cathy after church. I learn more and more on every meeting that Kathy is just amazing. She is so nice, and just really cares. One of those people that you just want to have as a friend, but know it is only by the grace of God that such people even exist around you.

Observation: God doesn't put nice people around you for guild but for gentle guidance.

Got to hang out with Brandon and meet his parents. It is really nice to have a best guy friend again. It was a void I had been praying would be filled, and he not only fills it but exceeds it. Since Seth left I just hadn't had anyone, no real comrade in Christ. I am just really at a good place when it comes to my friendships, and I thank God for his grace in them.

Spiritual thought: we must engage deeply, truly swim in the deep streams of life.

My cousin leaves in a few hours for Oregon. It was really nice to have her home. She is moving out there with her boyfriend. I didn't like him at first but after his having spent Christmas with us I learned that he is just a great guy. First time I have ever been wrong on a first impression, humbling. I love her and will miss her deeply, but you know what this means... I need to tack Oregon onto my list of places to go soon.

Shalom

March 4th, 2006

My dad woke me up after his casual twelve mile run. He sickens me, him and his blasted weight loss, and triathlon training. I just feel like a fat kid in my second decade of life, scared of my size in the third. Realizing more and more that health is a spiritual issue. Once again word for the year is character, which dictates that instead of whining about it like a little girl, I needed to do something about it. Got on our stationary bike for a half an hour. It was really good! Kinda soar now, not going to lie. It really is amazing how much better I feel about me right now though. Almost as if I had just won a marathon. I think that exercise needs to become a consistent part of my life henceforth.

Observation: Health is a spiritual issue!!!!!!!

Lyssa, Julie, and their friend Bethany were up from IWU today. Crazy thing happened. I got to talking to Lyssa about this cool girl I know from Illinois (just so you understand the scope of her coolness, she reads the writings of Augustine, and is a photographer, and signs her e-mails with AHAVARIM, you probably don't understand, but she passes all levels of cool on human scales), and it turns out she is from the same home town as Tessa, and even more freaky, they are best friends. Crazy small world!

Observation: Globalization will be the next catalyst to the spread of the Christian Church.

I saw a guy that looked like Dave Horne at Java. And I just want to talk about Dave for a second. In my eight+ years of being at SLWC there has been no other person there that has more intentionally, and deeply discipled me than Dave! It has only been within the last three or so years, but it has more than made up for the rest of my life. It is a humbling, and inspiring experience to know that a person, and not just a person, but a true man of God that you revere, for some reason really believe in you. I think about that verse at the end of Mathew that says to continue making disciples of every nation.

Observation: Dave Horne has set my bar for what it means to truly live out the great commission.

Reva had her birthday party tonight, at Java. We had a band, and between the groups that those two events brought in, every one of my favorite customers was in tonight besides the Ron's and Todd Anthis. Happy 16^th Reva!

Shalom

March 3, 2006

Woke up at the but-crack of dawn this morning. Wanted to make sure Jess' clothes were perfect, I think she expected when she wasn't the one waking me up, I was calling her. She had to go back to her place to get the directions and makeup ideas. Got to my house, which by the way was her inaugural visit. I was overwhelmed during my morning prayer time of just how good I think she could be at the public speaking thing. I was talking with Christina about how Real was going two weeks ago at FP Fusion, and she told me about how much she loved Jess, and the kind of impact she was having on her. Knowing what I know about Christina I am so glad that she has a role model like her. I think of what I could have been like, or what Jess could have been like if we would have had the kind of investment in us that Jess puts into her girls. My word for this year is character. One of the things I've been praying over my own life is that I would act on leadings of the spirit, and so after I got done praying I borrowed the bro's car to go give Jess a book. I just really do think she could change the lives of so many young women out there, and want to do everything I can to see her live out her dream.

Thought for Jess: We are the change we want to see in the world! Go conquer it, and if you ever have doubts call me and I'll put some sense back in ya! ~All the love in the world.

Levi's birthday was yesterday, and I didn't get to spend much time with him at all. To make up for it we went up to the mall, and chilled there for a while. I love shopping with the kid. He is the only person I really trust when it comes to style, sorry to all of my other friends, but he's gay, he's just one up on you. I realized today how much I like being around him, it proves that blood is thicker than watter. He dropped me off at work.

Rachel came in tonight, I had told Leslie about the fight and she told her. I hate seeing people cry, especially for what this was over. There are no words to describe it. Looking into the eyes of this young woman, so innocent, yet so afflicted. I believe that I now understand righteous anger, I just hope that I can harness this for good in my life. How can I treat people better. Where do I lack in my encouragement of others? How can I be a more meaningful participant in peoples lives. And most importantly of all, how can I better embody Christ every day, what can I do to more clearly mirror His face to the world?

Questions for the King: Why Lord do you let such good people suffer so greatly, and could you in some way use me to lessen their suffering?

March 2nd, 2006

Woke up at two p.m. today. Stayed up lated playing the guitar. Took a shower and went into work. Ol' Forrest was working tonight. That crazy red head! I wish he'd have gone to my high school. Rachel, Leslie, and Lauren stopped in to visit Justin. Beauty it seems travels in packs. I am still infuriated about what those guys said about Rachel. Never even knew I had a violent side until I heard them say that. She is just one of those people. Nice to everyone, drop dead gorgeous, sincere, brilliant, humble, persistent, and just has a great heart. I only know a little of her, but I feel strongly that every encounter is a small portrait of a much bigger heart. I believe the world about her. I think that our prayer life reflects where our hearts are, I am just so burdened to see her not have to deal with this. I see in her more of how adversity builds character than in most anyone else I've ever met.

Emily came in. Talked to her about her future plans. Was feeling really depressed. She wants to make a difference in this world and has the abilities to do it. For some reason it seems that this world wants to drag our generation down with thoughts of practicality, and lifestyle, as though they care nothing for mission or purpose. She had a teacher tell her (from her own personal experience) that working in the inner city wasn't worth it because of the pay. It broke me up. Why has such a change of heart occurred. It seems sometimes that all we hear is how important money is, when all we want to do is change the world. Why are so many amazing hearts broken by such lack of sight, and vision? I think that the reason that so many people from our age bracket are seeking religion is because it is the only thing big enough to hold our ambitions. Maybe parents, teachers, and other Gen-X pluss-ers should begin to cast a vision big enough for us to fill, instead of shrinking us to their narrow visions.

Spiritual question: why is passion so fervently extinguished, and beauty so cruelly asphyxiated?

Brandon, and Jess and I went over and hung out with Julie Collins. Its really nice that all of my closest friends get along so well together. I realized today just how much I missed Jess, and Brandon. I got a little glimpse of how difficult life is going to be as we undoubtedly move toward separate lives. I also saw a very scary reality, regardless of whether or not I get into IWU I am going to have to part with one of them, even if only for a little while, it is something I don't want to let linger in my thoughts for now. We said goodbye to Jules as she was going down to Holland to visit her man. You go Eggenschwiler!

Went over to Jess' house. Brandon was over, and we all had a good time. Found out Jess shares my passion for Shamrock Shakes, I bet your all surprised. Jess has a photo shoot tomorrow, and wants to look stunning. I, of course, want the same thing for her, so I offered to iron her clothes. I was tired, as heck, and it was late, but hey I had caffeine in me, and time to spare. Got home and started about midnight. You might not believe me but there is an intricate art to ironing pleats. I broke out the “Man Book” (I am authoring it myself, its a collection of magazine clippets of basic things every man must know). My favorite author is a buttler from England named Mr. Besteley. He has been a butler for 37 years, and truly models for me what it means to be a servant, but also what it means to be a leader and to do everything to the best of your abilities. For a basic Sunday shirt the built in steamers would suffice, but for a model, no. I did the wet towel method on all of them. Up till about three. I think viewing it as art changes things a bit, makes it less mathematical, and kept my mind off the time. Had to keep saying to myself that sacrifice is everything in friendship, but when you care strongly enough for some one even a bullet becomes inconsequential.
Spiritual introspection: I need to be a more unselfish person, period!

March 1st, 2006

Wednesday was a long day. Woke up early and went out for breakfast with three of my favorite girls in the whole world, and one of their twin sisters. We didn't really even talk about anything, but it somehow never got old. Two of the five are different, somehow set apart. They are very genuine. Kelsey is seeing this guy, lots of potential, but never really been invested in. Sarah is a sweetheart. Don't know where either of them really stand on spirituality. Kelsey is rock solid in her character, and goes to first Presbyterian, but I don't know how much of what she heard is on religion as oppose to relationship. Sarah's dad is a Christian, and she has the heart, but I've never talked about it with her. They both remain in my prayers.

Spiritual question: why do adults with so much to give spend so much time not investing?

Spent some good time on my computer at Jumpin' Java. Out of nowhere Bailey dropped in. Interesting and unexpected. We played chess, I won. I even typed a paper for a scholarship, and still won, I must learn to speak humbly of myself on nerd games.

Went with Doris to get her oil changed. It never happened. The lady from the shop brought us back to Java. The next hour before I signed in for the night was occupied by a massive conquest on Doris' part over a game of Scrabble. I wish public speaking were like Scrabble. Systematically placing words, completely controlled, and never rushed or panic stricken.
Work went by slowly, only items of note were that I got to work with Laura and a couple in the lonely booth. I could hear him pressuring her to engage in intercourse with him. It killed me. This carnal tussle between instinct and true intimacy. Why do so many lovely young ladies have to go through this? Why do so many men try to find themselves in this violent unfulfilling conquest?

Spiritual exhortation: Let us try to fill ourselves with Christ and let all else fall aside!

Went over to Jess' house. It was a great night. Just kinda chilled in the “Hooka Nook” (don't worry, there are no narcotics involved in the hooka nook.). Any time spent with those girls is a gift from God.

So just to be honest I only read two blogs on a regular basis. One of them is my best friend in the whole world, the other is a casual aquantance from Chicago, two young woman of whom's writing has changed my life. Tessa is a young artist, about my age. I met her at jumpin java read and enjoy.


Friday, November 11, 2005

At only 10:12 am this day so far as been beautifully full of life. I woke up early to walk through the neighborhoods of my city to a coffee shop a mile 1/2 away. I read Saint Augustine's "The Confessions" as I walked. It's all autumn outside. I passed the nursing home down the street from my house. I saw an skinny old man, wrinkled and stiff, trying to catch his garbage cans which were escaping in the wind. I ran over and helped him. His name is Arthur, I found out. He lives right across from the nursing home. I asked him if he'd lived there a long time (hoping to hear a "30 years ago, this city was etc. etc." story). No, though. He had a better story. He moved there 5 years ago to be close to his wife, Polly, who was living in a Nursing home. She had a stroke 6 years back, and he couldn't care for her alone. So she moved in to the nursing home, and he moved in to a house across the street from it. He goes there every morning. He dresses her; he teases and hair sprays her fiery red hair. He ties her shoes. He eats breakfast with her, and reads her the morning paper. He takes her for walks in her wheelchair. He listens to her talk (which, he said, few people can understand. The stroke severely altered her ability to talk, but he understands her just fine.) He writes letters to her from his little house across the street, and mails them to her; then reads them to her when she receives them in the mail the next day. He loves her very much, he told me. I'm thinking of doing a photo doc. story and pitching it to the local paper. Or at least portraits. I continued on my walk to the coffee shop. Down town was alive with people setting up for the Veterans Day Parade. I saluted every Veteran in uniform I passed, and realized that I'll never not feel Ten years old. It's okay, though. As I continued, I saw two people who I love dearly. First, my friend Zechariah, a huge African American man who directs a small gospel choral that was to perform that morning during the Parade. I've known Zechariah for 4 years, and he is one of the coolest people (and most fashion savvy) I know. He's full of love. Also, he's a great dj and dancer. He gots soul. I walked in to the coffee shop, and two seconds later, benjie hughes walked in. benjie is one of my dearest friends, and is very precious. we together recalled that we've known each other over 5 years, and i think that's lovely. I walked home. Packed. Now I'm heading out the door for a weekend in MI with some more people I love dearly. Love is lovely. Life is lovely. Because it's interesting. It's so hard and difficult and beautiful and ugly and fluid.

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